Am I a Good Mom?

Am I a Good Mom?By Abby Bordner

When women become Mothers there is great expectation about our ability to care for, nurture, protect and respond to our babies and children. There may even be an assumption that we all know how to do this. It’s in our DNA, right? When I work with Moms on day 2 or 3 postpartum, parenting toddlers, school aged children and teenagers, there seems to be a question that nags at the back of their minds creating doubt, insecurity and desperation; Am I a good Mom?

I have been working with the idea of Divine Mother lately. The image of Divine Mother is a holding, wrapping energy that provides unconditional love, acceptance, protection and care.  And, in my blog about Holding and Letting Go,  I write that our children also need Mothering that supports our separation from each other. This is really the essence of what we need from our Mothers. And, as I find so often, if your experience as a child didn’t include a Mother who cared for you in this way, you can easily struggle to feel confident as a Mother yourself. Imagine what life would have felt like with Divine Mother care: a balance of nurturing, holding, protecting and sending you into the world. When our children get this kind of connection and confidence, they can manage their feelings, create healthy relationships and have the confidence to solve problems as they arise. Sounds good, right?

Imagine that today, as an adult; you can actually care for yourself with this Divine Mother love. It’s a spiritual concept that can be visualized by wrapping a blanket around yourself, creating a message in her voice, journaling about her. Most mothers can imagine it for their children. So start there. What would you say to your child who is scared or insecure? What would you say to a child who is trying her hardest and wants desperately to be a better person and do what’s right? What would the Divine Mother say to the question, “Am I a good Mom?” Be forgiving of yourself. Notice your efforts. Continue to try harder. When in doubt as a parent, move toward love. Move toward connecting with your child and choose affection. Even if it’s difficult.

Here are some ways to improve your relationship with your child and build your confidence as a Mother:

  • Take an interest in the things your child enjoys.
  • Spend time with your child talking, playing and being together.
  • Be affectionate with your child. Touch communicates so much and it feels good!
  • Talk about yourself: your experiences, your feelings, your life.
  • Give your child specific praise; tell them what you like about who they are, their behavior, their choices and how you are proud of them.
  • Model confidence; feel good about yourself and your life. Show your child that you are trying and learning new things every day.

When you’re trying these things, forgive yourself for the mistakes. Apologize to your kids when you lose your temper or you regret the way you handled something. A good apology looks like this: state your mistake, tell how you feel and tell how you’d like to handle it in the future.

When doubt and insecurity creep into the back of your mind, remember the Divine Mother. How would she Mother YOU in this moment? She’d say something like, “Keep trying. You are the most important person in your kids’ lives.” “Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They just need to know how much you love them.” “You ARE a good Mom! You care and you are learning.” Remember to love yourself as much as you love your kids and you’ll move into more confident, joyful parenting.

What are the positive statements you’d like to tell yourself when doubt and insecurity creep in? Post your comment.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave A Reply (6 comments so far)

  1. Bob Myers
    3 years ago

    What a wonderful, comforting concept you provide with the divine mother. I particularly like the concept of wrapping yourself in the loving energy that is always present and supportive. Your message is simple and well presented. Although you aim this at mothers, the same really applies to fathers who often doubt themselves as parents. Thank you.

    • Abby
      3 years ago

      Thanks, Bob. You’re right. This information isn’t exclusive to Moms. I appreciate your feedback and I’m so glad you connected to my message. It seems to be an important one!

  2. Sherri
    3 years ago

    Thanks for the wonderful article Abby! My Divine Mother would tell me, “You are not raising your kids to be perfectionists, so stop trying to be one yourself. Instead, model how to love yourself even when you make mistakes…ESPECIALLY when you make mistakes.”

    • Abby
      3 years ago

      Thanks, Sherri! Yes, you’re right. The Divine Mother would say something just like this! I’m glad you could find that message for yourself. I hope it helps.

  3. Cherrye Vasquez
    3 years ago

    Oh, I love this very timely blog post.

    My daughter just turned 13, so I feel like I’m in the trenches. I believe we have a great relationship, but I still want to use some of your points.

    Your information is also good to include in pamphlets honing suicide messages. Suicide is on the rise. I just lost a young cousin yesterday, and I just read about one of the stars on the Y&R (soap) whose son just took his life last week.

    “Divine Mother” Great! Thanks for this post.


    • Abby
      3 years ago

      Thanks for your comment, Cherrye. I’m so glad you found the blog helpful, especially the Divine Mother idea. I’m so sorry for the loss of your young cousin recently. Thanks for the reminder that life is so precious and suicide is a reality. I encourage anyone struggling with mental health problems and/or suicidal thoughts to get this important information. Thanks again Cherrye.