Decoding the Needs of your Spouse

Decoding the needs of your spouseBy Abby Bordner

I am a firm believer that when there is a strong marriage based in love and mutual respect, children feel secure and learn valuable social skills for all relationships. Let me be clear though, I’m actually talking about all committed relationships. The problem is that this key relationship between spouses sometimes takes a beating when it comes to parenting. Let’s just say that when we commit to being the best parent we can be, we also commit to being the best spouse we can be!

When we focus our attention on parenting, we can act poorly toward our partner. We can compare, snap, nag, criticize and downright behave poorly. Let’s be honest here. You are the ONE and ONLY person in your spouse’s life that gets this important role of partner, lover, confidante and companion. How lucky are you! Can you honestly say that you are your partner’s number one fan? That’s really what we should be striving for; it will make parenting easier and marriage and family life more enjoyable.

Basic Needs of a Husband:

Privacy: A man’s pattern of intimacy is closeness, then space, then he comes back to you again. When men pull away they need privacy and trust, then they come back for closeness.

To be Needed: A man feels motivated as a husband when he is needed. A man’s sense of honor comes from taking care of the people he loves. When a man is truly desired by his wife, in heart and body, he is protective and committed.

Acceptance: A man needs love that is accepting, trusting and appreciative. It helps when he knows his actions are appreciated and recognized.

Basic Needs of a Wife:

To be Cherished: A woman is motivated as a wife when she feels cherished. Small, frequent acts of appreciation score more than occasional big ones. Women love to be told that they are beautiful and cherished.

Connection: A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships. Sharing in conversation, emotions and companionship helps women feel loved and connected. A woman’s feelings of satisfaction in these areas ebb and flow, as her self-esteem changes with different waves of emotions.

To feel taken care of: There are times when your wife wants nothing more than to hear the masculine words, “Honey, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.” Women feel secure when there is a strong commitment to taking care of her.

When parenting, there is a balancing act of caring for yourself, your partner and your children. Children who see their parents prioritizing themselves and their relationship learn to trust and expect that they are part of a bigger whole. There is security in this and a sense of tribe.

These are core concepts about how to truly love the person you are committed and devoted to. Do an inventory of how you can make some changes to be a better spouse. The great news is… when you start becoming a better partner, your spouse will, too!

How can you commit to being a better spouse today? And what works in your relationship to keep it satisfying? Post your comment below.

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Leave A Reply (3 comments so far)

  1. Brandy
    3 years ago

    I really enjoy your writing. A solid marriage based on love, trust and good communication is the perfect winning combination for happy home that allows children to thrive in. Happy children raised in such environment are the foundation of a good society. I’m delighted every time I receive an email with your blogs. I’ve grown tremendously as a person, parent & wife.

    • Abby Bordner
      3 years ago

      Thanks for your comment, Brandy! I’m glad you enjoy my blogs.

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    2 years ago

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