The Things I’m letting Go of as a Mother

By Abby Bordner

For me, when I dreamed of being a mother I dreamed of an infant in my arms, kissing boo boos, a small child falling asleep on my chest, tying shoes and wiping tears. I longed to be a Mama that could make everything better for a small and precious child. Happy-mother-and-daughter

Nurturing, holding, feeding my young children came naturally to me. It’s what I’d always dreamed of! I felt so important and I always had an answer. I was a super hero in my toddlers eyes! Yes, there was sleeplessness and no extra time to myself but I was the center of my family. I wrote this blog to reflect on my journey as a mother. 

As my children have gotten older, they need a different kind of mothering. They no longer need me to control their environment and meet their every need. In fact, they don’t want it. 

One important turning point for me was realizing that my kids need to think for themselves and make decisions on their own. If I want them to do that as adolescents, I better get started early.So, the letting go begins.  

As my children get older, these are the things I’m letting go of:

  • controlling what they eat, wear or the way they look
  • feeling that I am responsible for making their life easy
  • always knowing what’s right
  • being their favorite person in the whole world
  • keeping track of all their things
  • feeling their destiny in life is up to me
  • being able to make everything better with a hug or kiss
  • knowing everything about them

The relationship changes and the mothering does too. Which means YOU have to be comfortable with change and taking responsibility for your part. My kids need a mature, thoughtful relationship now as they are growing into the adults I want them to become. They need honest communication and a place to be themselves. They need me to be authentic so they can be, too. It’s okay to be unsure or vulnerable. They don’t need you to be perfect. 

It’s hard. I miss my small children. They were so precious and relied on me foreverything. Who am I, if I’m not their everything? It’s become more of a partnership, less dependency. 

I’m working with a lot of clients now making this important transition with children who don’t need you to control them, but need you to witness their way in the world. They need your respect and their own autonomy. It’s a big shift! Are you ready to change the way you’re parenting in order to create a relationship that endures the teenage years? 

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